when it comes to practicality, love is seen in a different angle in this surrounding. It is not only the life of two, but its related with the life of two entire families.
My life so far has been simple yet very happy. I have a good opinion on love but it is hard to find love because am afraid of losing them. The reason being the respect and love I have for my parents or family! I sincerely feel that my parents fill the missing part of me in life always...I just love them and they
know what to give me and what not to!!! So love marriage is not going to be my way of life :(( Knowing my parents would give me the best I accepted for marriage after a fuss. My expectations set so high, my guy will pamper me just like my parents. Companionship and intimacy, care and concern, naughty and bubbly I would love him to be. He will like what I like..he will admire what all I do..laugh with me..and cry with me. In other words, He lives just for me.
After a wide and wise search, my parents and relatives found a guy for me.
The guy was finalised, the date was fixed...my heart now pounds faster!! Will this relationship workout? Does he like me and do I like him?? With thousands of questions in my heart I got ready for marriage. He was not my kind of a guy or not even a usual twenty six year old for that matter. Not much of outings, long hours phone calls, secret kisses, bouquets, surprise gifts or greeting cards...
Now I was worried, "if he had liked me, he would take me out, appreciate my dressing, admire my presence with him...something's wrong!!". He calls me at times, speak for 5 to 10 minutes formally and disconnects. Was something wrong with him or does he have something else or somebody in mind.....hundreds of thoughts crossed my way. I finally decided to call him..."Hiiiii...just a quick question, Do you like getting married to me?!?!". He was cool "yes..". Just a yes, I was wild...."what else", I said."Hmmmm...nothing much and a smile" I turned red and curious. He was unlike other guys.What else should I say..."Okay..bye" I added. "Yep...bye" he concluded. I disconnected the call. Days
passed by like this..and me with the same confusion whether he liked me or not!! My parents were happy, they liked his family and him. Till date their choise never went wrong in my case. So I never said a word.
My big day!!! Friends and relatives, colorful fun. A still confused me...With thousands of good eyes witnessing the marriage, he tied the holy knot, once twice and thrice....
The formalities and rituals were performed. A heavy heart for no reason, the kid in me has been forced out. My intuition said... "you r no more dad's favourite kid, you are now a home maker. You have to build a family for yourself...............nopee" Literally tears rolling down my eyes, I saw my dad and mom with a heavy heart. They kissed me goodbye and goodluck. The crowd was scattering, everyone slowly leaving me all alone with new people,in a new place for a new life.
"God...give me strength to face this difficult new life" I prayed. Inlaws bid goodbye too. Now all alone with my so called husband. He saw me and I saw him too..drops rolling down my cheeks, I expected him to hug and comfort me and share my feelings. He said "Dont cry...and smiled". This was not what I expected but I simple said "hmmm". First disappointment, not a big one though. Slowly days passed by. We both went to office and came back tired, I cooked and we ate together. Lived like new friends..Sometimes shared some thoughts. I used to talk a lot, he just listened..never talked back..when I ask for his opinion, he just speak few words.. As usual, one fine day, he came home.. I said, "My day was hectic, I had hell amount of work, in between I had to help my friend at work as she was sick..then you know what...there is a potluck at my friend's place this weekend, each of us has to cook something, get-together at one place and party...its gonna b fun". I was excited and also thrilled as I am taking him out to met y friend and her husband....a happy couple. "Will my husband see them and understand how happy coupe are, how they love and care for each other..." He heard everything what I said and smiled "hmmmmm". I was really upset by his reaction "Wont he ask, which friend was sick, or did he say good that I helped her and manged both our work or just a small appreciation. Wont he ask whose idea was the potluck or...atleast what am I planning to cook.......grrrr" I didn't like him...he wass not what I expected.That night I plainly said him, "You are not the one I wanted". I expected a blast but he simply asked "why??" She said "no...hmm nothing..Good night". He said "GN...things will be alright. sleep now" and he closed his eyes to sleep. "How could he just sleep like that, wont anybody be curious at this situation...dumbo-I hate him" I felt neglected and ignored..I missed mommy.
Next day at office, my best friend asked me "hey!! did you cry...didn't you sleep well..what's wrong sweety...I want to see my bubbly cutie pie back...what's wrong?!" I told her all...she told me "I understand he is not expressive and hurted you feelings but you shouldn't have told he is not the one you wanted baby...not talkative, bubbly and not expressive is the only issue that you face with him which will be alright very very sooner . There are so many husbands who doubt their wife, who is very stingy, who drinks and smokes, who has illegal relationship nd there are much more....you are lucky". "Was I wrong...yes if he doesn't tell what I expected, still I shouldn't have told him that he is not the one I wanted, still he didnt fight..?" I always used to adivise and comfort my friends, but now what's wrong with me...Have I lost my feelings, senses, emotiions...Noooooooooooo"
Several days and nights with unanswered questions and tearful me.. :(( I would expect something...not extra ordinary though.I would expect a normal behaviour, a smile, sincere appreciation, words of love and show that he cares. Disappointment was what I always got as an answer. One day from office, I went home happily and said, I got an appreciation email from client for my work. It was such a tough logic to implement, I fixed it in a short span and all were highly impressed.."Ohh is it?!?!" he said...period. She felt discouraged.."Congrats, good, nice...proud of you.....nothing, I hate him"
one by one from day one, mommy was extremely worried...but she knew her daughter needed a lil bit of training and advise. When I finished all, I went and hugged my mom, tears falling down focefully. Mommy hugged her innocent sweet lovely kid. She said, "Dear, any relationship is prone to silly fights, misunderstandings during the initial stages, it depends on how well you balance it to strengthen the relationship. Husband and wife relationship is not like other relationship...It is very special...it is divine. But to see the real essence of married life, love, affection you have to patient, flexible, adjustible and transparent. It is a lesson for life. I understand, you were brought up differently, you were a pampered kid at home, your friends valued you a lot, everybody liked you...appreciated when you deserved. So you expect being the same way with everyone...which is not wrong I would say but will happen over a priod of time. So wait dear.... Your friends wished the best for you and cared for you, but that happened over a period of time if you think your past. Every relation needed its time and space to grow. Love it not intentional, its not a duty, its not a compulsion... it was natural by itself, it has tocome from within. Any relation will never
grow strong forcefully. Your husband is not expressive, you cannot blame him for that..It is his in born character. It might hurt you but he is not doing it intentionally, so you can tell him that you expect him to be more open and pro active. Make him understand that you love him. Tell him that you love him, find his likes and dislikes...be flexible and he will start loving you. Show him you care.... Even if he does not react for few days be patient..My kid is brilliant, try this and see what happens."
Mommy said this, kissed me on my forehead and left.
Now I know what mommy said, whole night I thought and a next day was a refreshing new day...morning I woke up, he was still asleep. I went near him, slowly, cleared his hair away from his forehead with my fingers and softly kissed him on his forehead...a sudden harsh expression on his face, he was irritated he stared at me and turned his face to the ther side and continued sleeping. That was really very embarrasing, my face turned red...but I somehow managed not to shout as I used to react. I said to myself "My be he doesn't like omeone disturbing him during sleep..."Like what mommy said, I patiently
closed my eyes and tried to forget the incident.." Evening I came home from office, cooked something for him, when he came home too, I said, "How was your day...?" he said "as usual". "Lets eat??" I asked, he said "you start having dinner, I will join you shortly and he went inside..." I was hungry...but thought of waiting for him. When he came out, he saw me sitting with the empty plate, he smiled..I smiled too...it was too good an experience. We ate together.
I told him that my friend invited both of us to her house for dinner, he said "hmm we can try,... I cannot promise..it depends on when I come home.." I kept silent for sometime then slowly went to him and said "Never I have asked you to take me somewhere...the first time..for your new wife??" I said and left..He saw me for sometime..that look was different. It was soothing :))That evening he came home soon. I was happy thinking he came just for me. But I wanted him to tell that himself..I said "Thx for coming.." "Work was over..so I started early..." he added. I didnt like his reply...so it was not for me..i felt bad. But atleast he came. We went to my friend's place...a lovely house, wonderful happy couple. I wanted my husband to see people like them. My friend, talkative just like me, started posing questions to both of us...she asked him what I liked, my favourite color and food etc. He smiled and said yet to know her taste and likes. When she asked the same to me, I didn't have a clue of what he liked. This was a learning..We didnt know even a bit of eachother..
My friend started to serve...her hubby did it for her. She went to take water...he
forced her to sitdown and he took it on for her..What an understanding husband I thought..My husband Merely noticed what was happening...grrrr.
"So how is married life..." my friend aked "Okay..." I said "Cummon...new couple....saying just OK....How about you sir?!?"..."hmmmm...good...he smiled". We had a fun time at her place...we had a hearty chat...my husband never interrupted or stopped me for anything. Finally, before leaving my friend took me to her room and said, the initial stages of marriage is the understanding happy period...do not miss that...Spend long time chatting about each other...good luck and she kissed good byee. We went home.."What a lovely couple...my friend is lucky" I said..He never spoke a word."Her husband is bubbly, caring and loving...talkative and friendly My fate :((" He said "thats your limit" and walked away to another room and slept.
I never slept for the whole day. Thought and thought all the night and a new me today...Morning he woke up. I said "Am sorry...I was my fault." he never said anything.."Please..it was my mistake. I will never repeat it". I saw a change in his look...I know he was convinced. I went closerr to him looked closely into his eyes, he looked into my eyes.. I followed him...held his hands..and smiled. He smiled back too. I was happy. I went to office and was waiting for the evening. On the way back home I decided to speak out my feelings, thoughts, hurt, worries, love , affection and what not!!!
Evening, he came back home...I prepared burfi for him...When he came I said him to close his eyes. He said "for what ...am tired" I was discouraged, didnt lose hope..I fed him a piece of burfi..."His face turned pale...he managed to swallow the the burfi...he said, "am sorry... I dont like burfi" I was upset...bu didnt lose hope...I still said "dats ok...I should have asked you what you liked..my mistake..am sorry" He smiled and saw me for 2 seconds...a cool breeze..I just loved it :))
That night, I said him.."So many days, I've told you I hate you n number of times for which I really feel ashamed...Now I want to tell you something.." I went closer...he could feel the warmth of my breathe..He looked deeply into my eyez...kissed me and said "what si that you wanted to say??"..I said "You know that :D" nd smiled...he said "Still I want to hear that from you..." I said "you first" He said "no you" ...finally I decided to tell, he decided too which I dint know, "I love you" we said...one voice one soul. It was divine.The I started telling him "I m a girl who is really really outspoken, happy, bubbly and charming. My expectations were dfferent. I wanted a guy who give importance to me, always thought about me, cared about me, told that he loved me everyday...but realised not evrything is practically possible with all". I learnt a
lesson for life "Never compare any relation with another friend or someone. Every individual is unique...Each one has their own way of living, expressing and showcasing themselves. Letting them being themselves is their strength and supporting them being themselves and loving them their way is true love..."
Any relationship will work out over a period of time, when you really want it to...Be patient. Marriages are decided in heaven...Husband and wife relationship is divine..Do not break it for silly reasons..Patience, Transparency and trust will work it out!!
